It’s easy after having a child to put your goals and dreams on hold. Suddenly there’s a newborn dependent on you for their every need. In between feeding, cuddles, changing nappies, getting them to sleep, and feeding again, if by some miracle you have any spare time, it’s immediately consumed by household chores or trying to catch up on sleep.
Now obviously there is going to be some period of time where you won’t be thinking about chasing your dreams. In the months (or years) after you first become a parent, you’ll be so consumed with caring for this new tiny human being that sometimes it will feel like there won’t ever be time for anything else. But once you get past those first crazy, amazing, hectic few months (or longer) and start to feel like you can keep your head above water for some modicum of time, it might be time to revisit those old dreams of yours.
Here are 7 reasons why it’s more important than ever to start chasing your own dreams again:
How I “lost myself” in parenthood
Before I had my children I had dreams. I had big dreams. I had big dreams that excited me and scared me because they were a little further out of my reach than I’d like. The moment my daughter was born, something changed within me. I looked at the world differently and my sole purpose was to protect that tiny human being and raise her to the best of my ability.
I don’t regret this change in perspective for a second, and I’ll always do my best to protect my children and help them grow, but somewhere along the way I lost myself. I lost sight of who I was at my core. I could spend all day playing with my kids, be super-productive with household chores, cook a beautiful meal, and at the end of the day still somehow feel like I had failed. I’d forgotten who I was, other than a parent.
Then one day I decided to order some macrame cord and try the fibre art that I’d wanted to try for the good part of a decade (if not longer). During that first project, I found macrame so grounding and I became eager to learn all about it. This led me down a path where I’m now designing my own macrame patterns and sharing my knowledge with others.
I’m nervous and excited about what the future holds for my little macrame business, and I have a renewed zest for life and a stronger connection with myself and my values.
Why do parents lose sight of their dreams?
It doesn’t happen on purpose. Just somewhere between the sleepless nights and the days filled with endless piles of laundry and a baby needing constant attention, little pieces of you get pushed to the side.
All of your ambitions that were so important before the tiny human came into your life suddenly don’t seem quite so important. Alternatively, your dreams are still important to you, but you can’t see how it is humanly possible to catch those dreams while being an amazing parent to the little person in your life.
So, if you’re feeling like you’ve lost yourself a little in parenthood, keep reading to find out how reconnecting with your dreams can help make you a better parent, partner, and genuinely improve your life.
7 Reasons Why You Should Keep Chasing Your Dreams After Becoming a Parent
#1. You are your child’s main role model
As a parent, the number of hours that you spend raising your child/ren is immense. Right from the beginning, you spend all hours of the day and night cuddling them, changing them, feeding them, burping them, playing with them, and cuddling them some more. Children are like little sponges as they grow; absorbing everything they see, hear, smell, taste, and touch to try and make sense of the world.
You are your child’s first point of contact with the world. They watch how you interact with loved ones, how you eat your dinner, how you brush your teeth, how you make phone calls, and start to mimic what you do. Have you ever seen a baby or toddler hold a wooden block (or other item) up to their ear and pretend to “talk” on the phone? This is just one example of how much influence you have on your child’s developing brain.
As your child gets older, they’ll start to notice more complex processes such as how you solve problems, how you handle your finances, and how you respond to struggles and setbacks in your life. Having clear goals in your own life that you want to achieve can be a brilliant way to demonstrate to your child that the only limit to what they want to achieve in their life is their own attitude and beliefs.
Your child will watch as you set goals for yourself, make progress towards them, suffer setbacks, overcome issues, and persist until you achieve each goal. This will teach them that they can achieve whatever they want in life as long as they set their mind to it. It will also give them strategies to deal with setbacks and overcome issues in their own lives. You may need to reassess and modify your goals occasionally depending on changes in your life, changes in your own desires, or to make the goal more achievable. This will show your child how, they too, can make these changes if needed.
#2. If you’re a stay-at-home-mum (or dad) you need adult communication
Being a stay-at-home-mum (or dad) can be an amazingly rewarding experience, but it can also be draining, thankless, and isolating. If your family manages to be in a position financially that one parent can afford to stay home to raise your child, many others will look on and wonder what you’re complaining about.
You get to spend every moment with your babies and share in the excitement when they say their first word, take their first steps, and the millions of other “firsts” they’ll experience in those early years. However, especially in those first few months, there can be a great amount of time spent at home. Some days it’s a challenge just to have a shower, let alone think about actually venturing out of the house.
Being a stay-at-home parent often means you’re expected to take on the majority of the household chores. An entire day can be spent feeding, cleaning up, doing laundry, cuddling, loading the dishwasher, vacuuming, more feeding, more cleaning up, more cuddling, cooking dinner, bathing, cleaning up, and feeding to sleep. The next day you wake up and you seem no further ahead than the day before; there’s another mountain of washing in the laundry, more dishes on the sink, more toys on the ground, more dirt on the floor, and more feeding, cuddling and interacting with your children to do.
Identifying your own dreams and chasing them can be the catalyst to get you communicating with other adults. Whether it’s getting out of the house, or simply online on a Zoom call, interacting with other adults can help you feel like your normal self again.
#3. It gives you something to talk about that you’re passionate about, other than your kids
Having kids changes you. It changes your perspective on life. And, especially during the newborn phase, it often means you’re immersed in breastfeeding or bottle feeding, cuddles, nappy changing, and crazy sleep cycles. This may mean that the most pertinent questions on your mind are whether to use cloth or disposable nappies, or how to prepare the healthiest organic meals when you introduce solids.
But…not everyone outside of your new parenthood bubble is going to share the same passion for finding out the answers to these questions. Sometimes you may find yourself in situations talking to people who either don’t have kids, have older kids, or just aren’t as interested in those questions as you are. What is there to talk about in these situations? Not much if your day is entirely consumed by parenting and household chores…
Re-evaluating your dreams and deciding on some that fit in with your new life of being a parent can help to you step back into the wider world outside of your new family bubble. It can ignite a passion within you and allow you to find common ground in conversations with people who perhaps don’t want to hear about your kids 24/7. (Save those conversations for the people who are genuinely interested in your kids!)
#4. You may be able to contribute to the household income
One of the things I struggled with the most during the early years of parenthood (and still now if I’m being completely honest) were feelings of inadequacy in relation to financial income. Now, I know it makes sense for the parent who’s able to make the higher income to work and the other to stay home and raise the children, but in reality it can be a bumpy ride.
Even with the best of intentions, sooner or later there’ll come a day when one or both of you is suffering from lack of sleep, stress, and frustration. Words will get thrown around about who does the most work, who brings in the money, question the stay-at-home parent returning to work and whether it would be better to put the kids in childcare.
Identifying goals and dreams that you resonate with now can be the catalyst for you to start pursuing your passions. Even a little side hustle, if you stick with it, can start to bring in a decent income. Whether it pays for a date night once a month or pays your mortgage weekly – feeling like you’re contributing to the household income is good for your finances and good for your mental health.
#5. It will make you more attractive to your partner
The challenges of parenthood can put a strain on your relationship with your partner. Whether it’s the lack of sleep, working out the new roles you’ve taken on, or reduced social activities and breathing space; it’s easy to get overwhelmed and for the relationship to be the thing that loses focus.
Chasing your dreams can make you more attractive to your partner for a number of reasons. The growth required to pursue your dreams will likely mean that you acquire knowledge, which is one of the 20 ways to be more attractive to your partner in this article.
Focusing on the things you’re passionate about can mean you participate in related activities or events where you spend time away from your partner. And as the adage goes, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” It will also give you new and exciting topics and goals to talk about with your partner when you come together again.
Prioritising your own happiness is another way to be more attractive to your partner. And what better way to make yourself happy than identifying and doing those things that spark joy and bring meaning to your life?
#6. It provides you with some “me time”
“Me time” is one of the first things that gets kicked to the curb when you have a baby. Suddenly there is such a demand for your time that things like washing your hair can turn into an occasional luxury. While you may manage to fumble around like this for a couple of months, it’s not viable long term.
Revisiting those old dreams of yours and adjusting them to what is relevant to you now can provide you with that missing piece. Have you always wanted to try macrame, learn Italian, play the violin, or start writing a blog? (Just throwing out a few personal dreams there.) Take a little time each day or week to spend on that thing you’ve been wanting to do.
If that thing you’ve been feeling drawn to is macrame, check out my blog post 10 Benefits of Mindfulness through Macrame to find out how it can help you.
And if you’re feeling guilty for taking that time for yourself, rest assured that this time will enable you to be more patient, more present, and have more fun with your family.
#7. It’s not fair to your children for you to use them as an excuse for not chasing your dreams
Chasing your dreams is scary. It opens you up to the possibility of failure. And sometimes it’s easier to find reasons for not following your dreams than it is to put in the work to reach them.
I say this with love and not criticism; obviously there will be situations and times in life where your children do require your undivided attention and you’re just surviving and unable to do anything other than that.
But life is full of peaks and valleys; so sooner or later you will get through that hard time, find that extra support, or simply decide that now is the time to level up. Don’t let your children feel like they’re the reason for your regrets and your “what-ifs” in life. Let them know that they’re the reason you wake up and push yourself to be the best version of yourself, and that you want the same for them.
Because what is the point of just struggling through life? Enjoy life. Live life. And leave the world a little better than it was when you entered it: For the sake of your kids and the future generations.
Conclusion
Parenthood is filled with challenges, but often after becoming a parent you have renewed values, perspectives, and gumption. (Did you catch the reference to my favourite movie, The Holiday?) And catching your dreams will be that much sweeter when you can share your success with those beautiful children of yours.
Let me know in the comments what is that one thing you’ve always felt drawn to do, but it’s never been the right time/place/situation. I’d love to hear those big dreams of yours.